Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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