You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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