She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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