if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
