I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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