What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
