Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
