It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
