Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
