I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
