MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
