that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
