I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
