with your own penis?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
