so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
