I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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