everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
