Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
