I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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