u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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