shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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