Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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