True but thats because hes a fetus.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
