Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
