Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
