I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
