well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My ass is underappreciated
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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