the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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