I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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