She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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