She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dicks are not precious.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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