We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
