Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
