i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
