i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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