Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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