he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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