i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize