i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
