I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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