I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize