I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
