I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
