Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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