My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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