thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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