what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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