my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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