Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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