I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
