He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
