Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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