My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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