I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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