So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need to align my fucking chakras
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
