No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think i have two assholes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
