happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
