I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
