Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
