remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just cropdusted the office
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
