i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Did I show you my penis last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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