allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
