my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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