i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
