I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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