you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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