1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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