my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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