I wanna bring you to show and tell
look no pants
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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