halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
